Clown Prince

Once upon a time… Or at least that is how these sorts of stories are supposed to start. But this isn’t your normal bedtime story.

It might not even have a happy ending.

It might have more than one.

Guess you’ll just have to read on and find out.

Well, it all started when I met this girl (doesn’t it always), but it wasn’t like that.

She was hell in high heels. The devil in a short skirt. A fox in some fish nets. OK maybe it is like that.

Her name was Carla, and she drove me mental.

We first met at my best friend, Larry’s backyard pool party.

Now Larry’s parties are world renown. It usually involves some sort of sexy theme (this time, being a pool party, it was a Hawaiian theme.), a top DJ and an Emcee, and excessive amounts of alcohol. They are extremely popular, and highly exclusive. I only managed to get in due to being friends with Larry since Primary School.

Carla was a Brazilian model who was there with her two friends from the photo shoot the day before. It was the first time she had ever been to one of Larry’s parties, I knew this because I was at almost all of them and I tend to talk with everyone.

At first I didn’t notice her. I was just doing my usual thing. I was standing by the bar, talking to her two friends and some Chechen playboy. Then, for some unknown reason, I was drawn to the entrance as this smoking hot, brunette Brazilian girl, wearing a red bikini and a knee length grass skirt, and her hair tied up with a green flower in her hair.

She was gorgeous. I don’t know why I was so drawn to her. I am surrounded by models almost every weekend, but there was just something about her.

The feelings I had were only intensified once she begun to speak. Her voice sounded like a heavenly siren, just drawing me ever more dangerously towards the jagged rocks.

“Hey, sorry I’m late. You wouldn’t believe the traffic.”

“Hey Ky. No worries better late than never.” Said her blonde friend (one of the ones I was talking to before). “Let me introduce you to a new friend.” She said as she pointed towards me. “This is Maximus. He’s a close friend of the host.”

“Call me Max. How are you?”

“I’m good.”

Her friends then continued on talking with the Chechen and Carla and I continued on talking with each other for the remainder of the night. It turned out that we had an awful lot in common.

It wasn’t until about four in the morning, when her friends came and told us they were leaving, that we started to notice the party was beginning to end.

Now, I should make a note here that Larry doesn’t believe in last calls. His parties end once everyone is either past out in one of his many guest bedrooms or left. Carla was planning on leaving with her friends, but thankfully they told her to stay and to get a lift home with me, as I lived in the same part of town. Naturally I agreed.

So we headed back in to the pool and continued talking about her dreams, her family, the birds and the bees and other random topics. Until our conversation ended and we started making out right there, in the pool.

One thing leads to another and we were both enjoying the greatest nights of our lives in a spare room that Larry always puts aside for me, mostly because I usually get way too drunk to drive home, but not this time. I tell you what she knew some things. It was if we were running a marathon together. When we were finished, several hours later, we both could not move and we both struggled for breath.

After we recovered, which was after sleeping for 9 hours in each other’s arms, I drove her back home and we carried on where we left off at Larry’s. I don’t think we left her room, except for food and drinks, for the whole of the next week. She lived alone, so we didn’t have to worry about noise control or modesty.

Then after that week we parted ways, as we both had jobs that needed seeing to.

As with most things, life continued on as usual, I had almost begun to forget about Carla when a couple of weeks later, she called me up out of the blue. Which in itself was weird, as I never gave her my number. I found out later on that she got it from one of her friends, who got it from Larry.

Anyway, we talked for a little while and she asked me out to dinner.

That’s right. She asked ME out.

I accepted and arranged the details with her. We talked for a bit longer and then went about our day.

The following Friday, the day when it all started. I arrived early, as I always do for dates, at the designated spot, which although it looks like a high class restaurant, I was to learn that it is actually a pretty shady place.

I did what I usually do before a date, walk around and get to know everyone in the place in order to build up some social proof and at least appear like I’m an important person. This is what probably led to the later chain of events because I got to know everyone there on an emotional and intellectual level, and they got to know me.

Anyway, a few hours later, and late, like all females usually are, Carla arrived.

She still looked as gorgeous as the first time we met. This time she was wearing a sexy little red dress, that ended just above knee height and high heels, and she had her hair done up in pig-tails (and she really pulled it off as well).

I walked over, greeted her with a hug and a passionate kiss, on the cheek. I linked arms with her and led her to a table booth, a private one because I got to know the owner.

We talked, like we never parted ways, for a while, and then the waiter, whose name was Steve, approached us to ask for our order, and that’s when I realized that he knew Carla as well. In fact, I was to learn soon that everyone there knew her because after we placed our order (I ordered Bobó De Camaro and she ordered a Caesar Salad, and I also got a bottle of red for both of us to share), everyone started approaching our table and talking to us, once one left, and the next would approach. It was as if she was some kind of Brazilian celebrity, but she knew them all by name. It was nuts.

Then the owner, whose name I previously learnt was Alexandro, came up to us. It turns out Alexandro is Carla’s father (which explained why she was so popular there).

Let me just let that sink in. Carla invited me out for dinner at a sketchy restaurant, which her FATHER owns.

It was like a first date nightmare, made worse by the fact that I got to know him before he knew that I was there on a date with his daughter.

He sat down right between us and started talking to, or should I say interrogating, me about my life, how I met Carla, and more importantly, my intentions with his daughter. It was completely mental.

Anyway, apparently I must have made a really good impression because he invited me to go hunting with him.

Let me just say, I have never held a gun before in my life, much less gone hunting, but I felt like I had no choice but to say yes. After all, you can’t really tell a 6 foot 5, bulked up Brazilian bloke, whose daughter you’re apparently dating, no.

Apparently happy with my response, he left, though he kept a really close eye on us.

Nervously, and completely aware that her father lingered close by, I returned to our date and to conversations about her and her relationships.

It appeared to me at the time that she had a close relationship with both her parents, but whenever I asked about them or what they did for a living, she would always subtly change the subject or become evasive. I didn’t think much of it at the time but, looking back, that should have been the first clue as to what would happen later on in this story.

Anyway we finished our meal (Which was bloody delicious by the way. Just saying) and polished off a couple bottles of their best wine (on the house), then went to leave. Now, I caught a taxi to the restaurant and we were both way too drunk to drive, so we decided to share a taxi (even though I was copping dirty looks from Alexandro.)

Long story, short, she ended up staying at my place for the next few nights.

Now that weekend was ANZAC day weekend, so we had the Monday off. While millions of people took to the streets in order to remember all those that have fallen in service to our great country, I was to meet a big, intimidating Brazilian with a gun and a few of his friends and family.

That’s right, I went out hunting with her father, partially because I had never been hunting before and wanted to give it a shot, but mostly because I had really started to fall for this Brazilian goddess and the fact that I never break a promise, even if I should.

Now most people turn up in some sort of four wheel drive in order to go hunting, but not me, I can’t drive, I took a taxi to the designated spot (try telling a taxi driver to tack you in to the middle of the bush).

Alexandro issued me with a rifle and gave me the basic tutorial on how to use it (Carla must have told him that I have never touched one), we talked for a while and he introduced me to a couple of his business colleagues and some of Carla’s cousins and uncles. Then we set off in search of Kangaroos to shoot. Now it turns out that I’m a natural with a gun. The first few I missed but after that I was actually pretty accurate. I had earned the commendation of everyone there. Which sounds like a good thing, doesn’t it? But I would come to wish I hadn’t later on.

We took all the Kangaroos that we caught back to Carla’s parents place and we met up with all the girls. I got introduced to everyone, including Carla’s mother, Gabriela and her sister, Rachel, and then Alexandro took me away and taught me to skin and gut the Kangaroos. Which was one of the most disgusting thing I have ever done, by far, but I did it, mostly to bond with Carla’s father. Girls have no idea the extent in which us males must go to in order to win over their fathers. It’s insane!

Mostly we talked about life and love, and that sort of thing. Then for some reason he offered me a business opportunity. Either Carla told him what I did for a living (International Businessman at my father’s company) or I did when we first met, I don’t know, but he made me a business proposition.

All he asked me to do is pick up some package the next time I was in Egypt and bring it back for him. He even told me he would pay me a sum of $5,000 for it. I asked what it was and he said it wasn’t anything that will get me in trouble. Me, playing for team stupid, and being blindly in love with Carla, said yes.

Three weeks later, I was flying business class for Cairo international Airport. I sorted out my work business early (as I usually do, in order to explore the city I was in) and I headed to some kebab joint and picked up the package (and a kebab), from some guy named Sharif.

Now I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking that I picked up a package full of drugs, and you’d be wrong. Now you’re probably thinking how would I know? Because I’m not an idiot. Even though I was asked (or told) not to open the package, I am not someone to be set up as being some drug mule, so I opened it, checked to see what it was, then resealed it perfectly. Until now, they never knew that I opened it; if they did they probably would have killed me. In case you were wondering, it was a tiny, gold statue of Amun-Ra.

So, have been satisfied with the fact that I wasn’t doing anything illegal (or so I thought), I packed to statue away in my luggage and continued to explore the great city of Cairo.

When I got back a week later, Carla picked me up from the airport, I gave her the package, we went and had breakfast together (I got in at 9 am), went back to my place and you know what happened next. Afterwards I fell asleep (it was a long flight). When I woke up she was gone and an envelope with exactly $5,000 in it was sitting on my bedside cupboard.

The next few times Alexandro asked me to do the same thing, all in different countries, I was still sceptical, and I opened the packages just to make sure, but after about 5 times of doing the same deal, I stopped checking and just picking up the package and bringing it back.

Each time Carla picked me up from the airport and each time we had a little fun and she left me the standard $5,000 on my cupboard.

I never spent any of the money that they gave me. I still have every dollar hidden away in a safety deposit box at my bank. It’s not that I knew what I was doing was illegal; it was just that I never needed to use it. I’m already filthy rich. I was pretty much doing it for Carla and as a favour to her father.

I did this once, sometimes twice, a month, for five years.

I was actually happy for once in my life. I had a smoking hot girlfriend (we had actually become exclusive after six months of sleeping together), her parents loved me like I was part of their family, I was loaded with money, and my father’s business was booming (he was even thinking of retiring and leaving me the business). I was even thinking about proposing to Carla.

I was going to ask her father’s permission when I got back from my latest business trip. However, after I picked my bag up from the baggage area, two guys in light blue uniforms pulled me over. They introduced themselves as Customs Officers, and told me to go with them.

I didn’t know, at the time, what I was being stopped for. As far as I knew, I wasn’t doing anything wrong. So I was kicking up a stink, complaining that I was in a hurry, and all that sort of thing. Then my whole attitude changed when one of them pulled Alexandro’s package out of my suitcase.

They asked me what was in it and I couldn’t answer. I told them it was probably some statue or artefact and that I was just picking it up for a friend.

They scanned it in the X-Ray machine and saw that it was encased in a lead case (which didn’t help me at all). So they opened up the package, in order to verify that it’s not dangerous. It wasn’t, and it was what I said it was (It was a jade monkey statue), but they informed me that it was stolen from the Japanese Empirical Museum a couple of weeks ago and that I was under arrest, unless I could give them the person in charge of the operation.

So, naturally, I told them everything.

I mean, I’m not going to prison for someone who was setting me up. Besides, I would never survive in prison. I’m way to pretty.

Now, either they could tell that I am an outstanding citizen that was tricked in to committing a serious offence, or they thought that I was a gullible idiot, because they offered me a deal. I was to wear a wire and get a confession from, not only Alexandro, but also from Carla, in return of all charges against me being dropped.

I didn’t know what to do. Either go to prison for a crime I didn’t even know I was committing, or betray the woman that I loved and her father. I was really conflicted, so I asked for my phone call.

I called my father and told him what has happened. He got straight in his car and called his lawyer on the way to the airport.

The three of us talked for a while, until we all agreed what I must do.

I took their offer.

Now, I have parachuted out of planes, gone to the heart of war-torn countries, and bungee jumped out of a helicopter, but they weren’t even half as terrifying as walking in to a criminal organisation, wearing a wire and stabbing them in the back.

An hour after they wired me up, they released me back in to the wild, tagged.

I called up Carla to come and pick me up as she usually did.

I told her that my flight was cancelled and I had to take a later flight. We talked about my trip and about her for a few kilometres, and then she asked me if I had the package.

‘Bang, got her.’ I thought.

I started probing her for information about the packages that I brought back and about why her father was paying me so much money to bring them back for him.

She started to get sceptical at my sudden interest but, luckily for me, I have had years of experience in lying through my teeth in business deals.

I told her that “I know that, what I am doing is against the law and I want more money for risking my life for her and Alexandro.”

“What are you on about?”

“I was pulled over by customs over in Japan and they told me what was in the package. Now luckily for me I had a couple of corrupt agents that I managed to pay off, because otherwise I would be stuck there for the rest of my life.” One thing I have learnt during my career is that over-exaggeration is a brilliant motivator. “Did you know?”

“I think we should go and see my dad.”

“Maybe tomorrow. I have had a really long flight. I just want to go home and spend some time with you. We can sort this out tomorrow after work.”

She must have been happy with the distraction, or at least played along, because she agreed.

We spent that night together having possibly the best sex we have ever had. There is something about lying and betraying someone that is a serious aphrodisiac. Just saying.

Anyway, the next day she was gone, as usual, and the money was on my cupboard, as usual.

I went to work for my usual debrief, except the two customs officers were there for a debrief of the night before, and a briefing for that day. They went on about safe words and escape routes, and some other bullshit that I mostly wasn’t listening to. I was still feeling weird about betraying the girl I loved.

Afterwards, I caught a taxi to Carla’s, and I assume that customs were following me the entire time.

I think that she was waiting around for me to arrive because she walked out the moment I pulled up.

I will never forget how she looked on that day. The day that I betrayed her. She was wearing a pair of skinny, white jeans, a red tank-top, and her knee-length, black, heeled boots. She was looked as gorgeous as ever.

We did the pleasantries; we had a couple of drinks, watched a movie, made out for a while, and then we called a taxi and went to her parent’s place.

That was the part of the entire operation that I really didn’t look forward to. Lying to the face of a giant of a man that looked like he could snap a tree trunk in half with his pinkie. Though, surprisingly, I was really calm and normal whenever I spoke.

Again we sorted out all the pleasantries before getting down to business.

The three of us talked about what was going on and what I was bringing back each time, and all the other particularities about the business that apparently their entire family was involved in since the 20’s. Though he was smart about talking about it, he kept talking in hypotheticals and about past relatives.

Then, once Carla got up and went to the toilet or something, he really started interrogating me.

“How did you find out?”

“Why did you pay off the Japanese Customs officers?”

“Why do you want to get deeper into it?”

Each question he asked, I made up some bullshit answer. I was actually really good at this whole undercover thing. I seriously thought about a career change.

But then he stumped me with one question.

“Why should we trust you?”

For some reason I couldn’t bullshit my way out of that one question. I just automatically answered with the truth.

“Because I really love your daughter and I would really like to ask your permission to ask for her hand in marriage.”

I couldn’t believe I just said that, and I was really hoping he would say yes and that he knew the trust was there, but in some way I really hoped he would say no because I was about to betray them all.

He suddenly started bursting out laughing, loudly. “Of course. Love is a great reason for wanting to join us…Oh, and yes, you can ask her.”

Then when Carla came back we continued talking about the ‘Family Business’, except now he was talking more openly about it. He was just started confessing about their entire operation, about what his job in it was (Fencer), about what Carla’s job was (To stake out and find the target piece), about what my new job will be (In charge of their smuggling operation), and also about what everyone else in their immediate family does. He told me everything.

We talked well in to the night, then, since I had to go to work tomorrow, I left with Carla and we had one last night together.

Over the next few day, the customs officers and the feds went around arresting every member of Carla’s family, even me for image sake.

I was stuck in some stingy motel for three months, until the case was over and done with. Luckily for me, they didn’t need my actual testimony. Otherwise I would lose my life and given a new one. I think that it was all put down to wire taps and listening devices, or something because I didn’t get mentioned once during the entire case.

Afterwards I continued on with my life as if nothing happened. Except for the fact that I now have serious trust issues and an overly cynical nature. I never met anyone else. In my eyes no one could ever compare to Carla. Maybe someday I might find someone and trust people again, but that won’t be anytime soon.

So that is my story about the best and the worst part of my entire life. Hope you enjoyed and never have to go through this crap yourself.


(This was the very first story ever written, so it does need a lot of work. As usual, let me know what you guys think.

Nightmare in Aisle 4

It was just another ordinary day at Armadello Supermarkets. It was a bright sun shining day, which always brought a steady flow of customers.

          This always meant more work for Carlos, constantly being called for yet another shelf to be restocked, and called by the checkout chicks for yet another price check.

          ‘Why couldn’t they just leave me alone?’ He constantly thought to himself. All he wanted to do is finish his shift and get ready for the party he was throwing that night at his apartment.

          “PRICE CHECK AT REGISTER 3” Announced the overhead speaker.

          As he made his way, grudgingly, through Aisle 6, towards the checkouts, he remembered, Katrina was on register 3.

          Katrina was the beautiful, Swedish girl Carlos has had his eye on since she started 3 months ago. She was tall, brunette, and really fit. The type of girl that made every head turn whenever she walked in to the room.

          Compared to Carlos, who wasn’t bad looking and quite muscular, though slightly overweight; he was really intelligent and charismatic like Katrina, though a really lazy, underachiever.

          Despite their differences, they always had a flirtatious sort of friendship since day one.

          “How can I be of assistance gorgeous?” Carlos said with a cheeky, flirtatious grin.

          “Hey babe, do you mind checking the price on these cool drinks? The customer said that it was on special.”

          “Yeah, they are. I remember seeing them before.”

          “Thanks babe. I owe you one.” She said in her flirtatious, Swedish accent.

          “I’ll hold you to that.” He said, jokingly. “Oh, are you still coming to my party afterwards?”

          “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

          “Great. See you then. I’ll supply the drinks, no need to bring anything except your gorgeous self.”

          She laughed. “Sweet, see you then.” She gave him a wink, and then went back to work.

          As he made his way back to the loading docks to grab some more stock to continue stacking shelves, he started to feel the eerie feeling like he was being watched.

          He looked around but there was nothing there. A sharp noise sounded like metal being knocked on to the ground, yet no sign of what made it.

          He rubbed his eyes and laughed. ‘Pull yourself together, you’re being paranoid.’ He thought to himself as he shook his head.

          Still laughing at himself, he located the box of chocolate bars that he went there for. As he went to lift it, he saw more movement at the corner of his eye.

          Startled, Carlos back stepped and knocked over the pile of boxes behind him.


          The scream came from the direction of the movement that he thought he saw. Without a second thought, Carlos ran in that direction.

          Upon running through the blue, wooden door separating the loading bay and the break room, he was confronted with the site of a severed arm sitting in a pool in what looked like blood.

          Fear and intrigue running through his body, he approached the severed arm. At first Carlos thought it was just a sick practical joke that one of his colleagues is playing on him, after all Halloween was only a week away, but upon closer inspection of the arm he realised that it was real.

          “Oh, Shit!!” Dropping the arm, he jumped back to the solid wall behind him, as he just stood there frozen, staring at the random limb.

          As if to break his fear manipulated trance, there was a sudden burst of screaming and yelling. The fear that, only seconds ago, had him frozen against the wall, now pushed him to action, as he pounded out of the break room door, through the docking bay, towards the door that leads to the main shop, towards the screaming.

          As Carlos ran through the door, he almost ran in to a customer.

          “AAARGH…HELP ME…OH, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD HELP!!!” The customer screamed, as she grabbed hold of Carlos’ arm in a frightened state.

          “What…What’s wrong?” Carlos said, trying, and failing, to keep the terror out of his voice.


          “You need to calm down. We need to find someone else.” He tried to reassure her, but the only thought that was in his head was to find Katrina and make sure she is safe.

          They made their way through the shopping isles towards the checkouts. The floors were covered in puddles of blood, which has even sprayed on the shelves. The shelves are still standing, due to the branch manager fixing them in to the ground a couple of years back to prevent another lawsuit, but the products that he had just stacked this morning, were scattered all over the floor. They had to step over severed and ripped up body parts as they too were scattered all over the place.

          He was trying to remain calm by focusing on his goal of finding Katrina, not only for the customer’s sake, but also for his own. However panic really started to set in when, upon reaching the checkouts, there was no one there.

          “Maybe they got out.” He said out loud, mostly to try and reassure himself.

          He made his way towards the front doors. If he could get the customer to safety he could then proceed to look for Katrina without having to look after the customer as well.

          He tried the doors but they just would not budge, no matter how hard he tried. After attempting to force the door open by ramming it with his shoulder, he then walked over and grabbed a trolley, got far enough away to get a run up, then charged at the window.

          “What the fuck?” It still didn’t break. Carlos looked around to try and think up a plan B. “The security room.”


          Carlos turned to the customer. “The security room. That’s where we need to head to next. That is probably where Kat…where any survivors would go…and if they’re not there, we can at least check the cameras to see where everyone is.”

          She nodded her head in agreement. Then they turned and started heading back in the direction of the security office, which was located at the other end of the shopping centre, back past the door to the loading bay.

          Fear really started to eat away at Carlos’ psyche; Fear about what was happening, and fear for the safety of Katrina. He really hoped she was safe. He then push all of his fear away as they approach the large wooden door, labelled ‘Security’.

          As he reached for the handle he heard movement coming from behind him. He began to open the door and turned around just in time to see three large, black dogs with glowing, red eyes, materialise in front of them.

          Carlos pulled the customer inside of the security office, and shut the door, just in time, before the three large dogs pounced at the door.

          He then locked the door, as they continued to growl and scratch at the simple looking door. Despite the fact that the door was only made of wood, it still appeared to be holding strong.

          Satisfied that the door will hold them back, he was then allowed the time to inspect the room.

          Turning around he noticed five other people huddled in the corner, the two security guards, two other customers, and Katrina.

          “Oh, thank god.” He yelled as she flew herself in to his arms. The warm, comforting embrace allowing him a moment of serenity.

          “Hahaha.” Turning around in order to see who would be laughing, Carlos noticed the customer that he had arrived with, standing by the door separating the hounds and the group of survivors. Her own eyes were now as black as the ace of spades. “You really are an idiot. Though I probably should thank you, it would have taken me a while to track down the last of my sacrifices without your help.” A huge, evil grin spreading across her face as she unlocked the office door, and let in the black hounds.

          Panicking screams started from the other two customers, the security guards frozen in terror.

          “What…Why are you doing this?” Katrina pleaded, still firmly in Carlos’ embrace.

          “Because it’s fun.” She mocked. “Besides…It’s about time I release my father from his eternal torment…I’m sure you’ll all understand…Wouldn’t you do anything for your families?”

          “I WOULDN’T COMMIT MASS MURDER!!!” Yelled Carlos.

          All of a sudden there was two gun shots coming from behind. One of the security guards had drawn his weapon and fired two shots in to the possessed woman’s chest.

          Looking down at the holes in her chest, she looked back up at the guard and laughed. “Do you really think your mortal weapons can hurt me?”

          Then, seeing a moment to act, Carlos picked up the knife off of the security desk, and rammed it in to her heart. He then pushed her against the wall in order to allow the survivors’ time to run for it.

          He was then about to start running himself when he started to smell something burning. Looking down at the knife in her heart, he notices it was starting to smoke up.

          “NOOOOO!!! HOW…HOW DID YOU KNOW? SILVER!! WHO BRINGS ACTUAL SILVER TO WORK?” She screamed, as the smoke started to get larger and larger. Then flames started to blaze from the wound, which quickly consumed her entire body. Her screams echoing throughout the entire shopping complex.

          The heat from the burning woman forced Carlos and Katrina, who were the only two people left in the room, to look away, before she finally exploded, leaving a pile of ashes blowing across the room.

          Shocked at the sudden turn of events, they walked out of the security office, prepared to run from the unknown amount of black hounds, but when they walked out, they had just disappeared.

          Cautiously, they walked arm in arm, towards the front entrance.

          Thankfully, this time the door opened, sort of like whatever magic the possessed woman was using to summon the black hounds, was also what sealed the door shut.

          Without questioning it, they walked to Katrina’s car, started it up and drove out, and down the freeway, without stopping until they reached her apartment.

          They then proceeded to spend the next couple of days within each other’s secure embrace, still wheeling from the catastrophe that had occurred, until that shock turned in to passion for each other.


The End



(This is one of my first, unpublished short stories. I feel that the ending needs a little work, but let me know what you guys think. As usual, all criticism is always welcome.)

Prologue Draft

(Let me know what everyone thinks; I except any feedback)

As soon as the warm, woody liquid hit my lips, I realised I was going to be in for some trouble.
It was the mixture of the flirtatious look in her dark brown eyes and the devilish smile fixed on to this slim, scantly-clad bartenders face.
she had silky, long, blonde hair that flowed straight down just past her shoulders; stood about five and a half tall, and an ass to put Shakira to shame.
“That’s your last drink by the way.”
“Oh, shit. I didn’t realised I was that sloshed?” I querried.
“Your not. I just don’t you too drunk when I’m fuck you later tonight.”
“But I don’t even know your name?” I said, half tongue-in-cheek.
“Do you really care?” She winked at me.
I wasn’t expecting that. I was so used to having to go through deep and meaningful conversations, before even coming close to this point.
“Besides, it’s my last day, and I find it a lot more arousing to fuck someone I don’t even know.”
This woman is catching me completely off guard. Take a deep breathe and relax, moron.
“well, I can’t argue with that logic…” That sounded a lot more confident than I was expecting. “What time do you knock off, we’ll go grab some dinner?”
“8:30, but I’d rather just go straight back to your bed.”
I really do love girls that know exactly what they want, and aren’t afraid to go out and get it.
“Nope!” That was more authority than perhaps was necessary. “A woman needs substanance for the long night ahead.”
Where the hell do I come up with this crap. more so… how the fuck do I get away with this shit.
“Hahahahaha. I’ll come see you then, then.”
“I should be able to keep out of trouble until then… hopefully.”
With a cheeky smile and a backwards glance, she left me and went back about her work.
My drink in one hand, I turned around and scanned the bar.
Looking around the premises, observing all of the other desperate individuals going about their own pathetic mating rituals, desperate for any form of human contact.
It wasn’t actually that long ago that I was one of those pathetic saps, sitting at the bar, drinking my Jacks and Coke, while badly pretending to be James Bond.
And let’s face it… that approach never worked. Except after three in the morning, around closing, when all the ugly chicks were so drunk that they actually came and picked me up.
But my whole world changed when I met Jeffrey.

First blog post

So, yeah.

Not entirely sure what I am supposed to write in these things, so I am just going to talk absolute shit, and share random thoughts and experiences, until I either annoy everyone to stop reading these things, or I actually figure this whole life thing out.

I look forward to trying this out together. 😜