Look, there is no right or wrong, but the question you always have to ask yourself is…
“Does this serve me?”⠀
That is always the question, and then from there, you can decide if it was a good choice for you.⠀
One of the things I see commonly though is a NEED to make things happen can often cloud our judgement of what is ACTUALLY happening.
A lot of people think they are a work in progress.
To what exactly?
We are all in progress.
We are the progress.
There’s no finish line.
We are in motion.
If you can’t enjoy the motion, then you’ll struggle to enjoy the fruits life brings, truely because it will only play another roll in your life, a roll that helps you feel like you’re making progress.
How would you view life if there was no “finish line” or even ideal situation or even ideal relationship?
You might start to appreciate them for what they are, even in the shit times, because it’s all progress, it’s all motion.
We tend to over-invest in one area in life, and that’s when we become stuck.
Working hard brings amazing things, but don’t forget to combine it with being healthy, social, and actually HAVING FUN.
Everyone has their own priorities, but make sure whatever happens that you have BALANCE.
Find what they like, and give them that!
It’s one of those situations where a lot of people ask “WHAT DO I GET OUT OF IT?”
Honestly, if you can make somebody happy in a relationship then they are more likely to want to give back to you in any way they can!
They have to be a decent human being first, of course.
What do you want?
What do you want to be happy?
Some people might say “why do I need to have relationship goals?
But when I ask those people I find that they might have a goal, and that goal might be to “be happy” or even “to not have a goal” (STILL A GOAL).
With goals, we have to get SUPER SPECIFIC.
What do you want?
What do you ACTUALLY want?
The more detail the better.
I’ve had enough of people giving me average goals that they don’t actually want.
“I just want to be loved.”
What the hell does love look like to you?
Does it mean having somebody to listen or does it mean a Tuesday night boyfriend?
It’s so different from person to person that YOU NEED TO BE SPECIFIC.
There’s a lot of dating advice for men and women out there that is fucked.
A lot of it comes from a place that you have to change yourself to suit the other person.
Sure, you might have to pay attention to your language or things like that, but if you’re not comfortable in your own skin, that’s an issue that has to be fixed first.
Here’s how you know if you’ve really given a relationship your all… ask yourself this.
“Did I try my best?”
If the answer is yes, you did everything you could have, and maybe if it went bad, it’s doesn’t mean anything about you, and more about them.
Lean in for more kisses and take more risks or you’ll look back on it all and be disappointed.
Something people don’t know about me is that I’m an ENTP personality type.
It’s maybe 2% of the population.
But as an ENTP… I HATE small talk.
I’m not good at it.
I hate it.
Do NOT try to chit chat with me!!
This disdain for ordinary, average, and safe small talk is an advantage I have, and I would encourage others to incorporate into (some) interactions.
While small talk has its place, and though I wish I could not be disgusted by it and practice it, by avoiding it, I and others can develop more meaningful connections, and develop interest and romantic attraction much faster.
Look at your conversations and test this recommendation.
Remember, I do TWO things.
1. I never have conversations that don’t interest me.
2. I avoid the small talk conversations and thus stand out from the pack. This DOES mean taking the lead in directing the topics of conversation.
I do believe in never giving up on trying to find your “true love”, but my heart has also been hardened by countless betrayals, mostly from those I once called my best friends.
However, we must actively convince ourselves that we can better ourselves as to draw in those that truly belong in our lives.