People are always so afraid of bringing up issues in their relationships out of fear that they’ll ‘rock the boat’, or because they’re so afraid of what the response might be.
They then brush away their problems in a hope that they’ll magically sort themselves out.
Well, guess what?
THEY WON’T!!!
Whether you’ve just started dating someone or you’ve been with them for years, you have to learn to EXPRESS YOURSELF!
Hoping and waiting for someone to read your mind is fucking stupid.
If you meet a someone you like and you’re worried they won’t ask for your number, or you don’t know how to ask for their number?
Take a selfie with them, now you have something to send them.
But how?
You might as well ask for their FB or number.
I mean, how ELSE will you send it to them?
If you ever feel like you’re not doing what you want to do, both in life and love…
chances are you don’t have enough emotion involved…
or there’s more emotion that is stopping you.
One of the first questions I always ask people, is “what is your desire?”
Is it your desire for anything, a conversation, or something deeper like love.
Sometimes the desire is just to give, but it’s still a desire and that’s worth remembering.
We need a sense of direction and desires gives us that.
In a conversation this morning, I was discussing why a female was struggling with dating.
She told me “Men aren’t into larger women.”
She stated she had lost 60 lb, but that with no success still, she had given up, and even shared, “Maybe I’m too picky.”
When I began asking questions, this stance quickly fell apart and morphed into, “Well I’m shy. My last relationship was traumatic. I’m scared to get out there.”
What YOU can learn from this, is that in order to change the results in your life, you FIRST need to identify the cause.
If you BS yourself, you’re not going to get anywhere, because you’re making up false reasons for your results.
What you need to do to obtain improvements in your results, is first be honest with yourself about how you got here.
THEN things can begin down the path of change towards better results.
Observation from years working with clients:
A totally “hopeless” feeling about your love life can be turned around within a SINGLE DAY by meeting just one great person.
That’s why keeping your sense of optimism is so important.
Sometimes in relationships and dating, you have to take the path of least resistance.
It might mean your relationship turns out into something you never wanted,
OR never expected.
“Know what you want but expect the unexpected.”
Arbitrary number of dates, time, activities, whatever the case… I believe anyone using such guideposts probably needs them, to an extent.
But these guidelines followed are ALWAYS going to be generic.
People get caught up in making sure a certain path is taken to ensure dating success, but you know what??
It doesn’t work that way.
Sometimes there IS “love at first sight.”
Or the paths crossing of soulmates, maybe adversity is required before a connection.
And sometimes a lengthy process is required to develop a strong connection.
IT DEPENDS.
(And sometimes it doesn’t work out no matter what you do right!)
This would be easier to understand and practice if we stopped thinking of dating, and even Life, from the perspectives of “Good vs. Bad.”
It’s not like that, it’s just “what is.”
If you connected quick, fine.
If your connection takes 90 days before sex, fine.
But my counsel would that the only “bad” is to try to control the outcome so much with “X” amounts of dates, time, etc…
I believe the best part of relationships is their spontaneity and the organic growth.
Certainly, I understand employing “better” dating practices (duh, I teach Game), but if you reach and understand the highest levels of what I teach…you will get to the point where “the rules don’t matter.”
I wish everyone could experience this level in dating, or anything in their life, because it’s life changing to see your circumstances…and not worry about the “How?”
Guidelines have their place, yes.
But most of the time, they only identify individuals who NEED guidance.
And if someone preaches that THEIR way is the right, or only way… There is a flaw in both the individual and their strategy.
I believe your path is more just a way that “is,” and that whatever path you are taking in every moment, that’s what “is.”
You just ride it out, like a virtual game of life where you never start over, but just keep going.
Where is up to you.
And guys consider, waiting 90 days like Steve Harvey speaks about doesn’t result in success.
You’re still playing a game where you are using manipulation tactics.
Personally, I’ve found women attempting these manipulations with me to be unattractive because it removed the element of spontaneity, of “going with the flow,” and allowing organic growth and expression.
It feels like a false restriction.
I would also question just how different these women are acting from men who use tactics of “I win and YOU lose” to get sex.
Ladies, you frown upon men who use NLP (linguistic tactics) to seduce women, and you also berate men for using “negs” to achieve the upper hand.
Just how different is it to CONSCIOUSLY barter your sex/time/affection??
So…I’m not exactly a fan of these “make them wait or do this” guidelines.
How about you make YOURSELF better instead of making it worse for someone else?
People’s actions speak louder than words.
If they says one thing and does another, they might be feeling something different to what they thinks.
The same thing goes for you.
If you say one thing and your actions say another, it is time to look at what you really want.
The fact that I have this job is amazing, I love helping people, but it should be taught in schools.
“Lesson 1: how to express yourself.”
“Lesson 2: how to listen to others.”
“Lesson 3: why caring about others is good.”
Exiled Writer 